Fields of Gray
by tmntfan4eva
Summary: After tragedy strikes Flapjack turns to a journal in order to let his feelings out and tell the story of how he got where he is the way he saw it. But will it be enough to soothe his heart...? It's better then it sounds!


It was late at night and we'd been at the Candy Barrel nearly all day, much to Bubbie's dismay. Needless to say I was tired beyond belief. Although I'd never say it out loud. I didn't want to ruin his time here. He always seemed so vibrant when we were here and I loved to see him that way, it was one of the many joys in my life. So I did as I always did. I leaned over the booth table, elbow planted firmly on the surface so I could rest my heavy head in my tiny hands without seeming to out of it. I needn't worry Captain. "Boy…?" the gruff man grumbled through the fog that I was sure clouded his mind.

"Yeah, Cap'n!" I perked instantly, jolting up from my drowsy position to give him my undivided attention. Mostly I was interested in whether or not it was time to return to Bubbie.

"Go tell Larry to get his ass over here and make me some more drinks." his voice was actually pretty even. It surprised me.

I sighed lightly, feeling foolish to have let my hopes get so high. "Yes, Cap'n…" I muttered, scooting across the booth and allowing myself to slide gently onto the floor. My legs wobbled under the sudden and unwanted weight of my body. For an instant I was even afraid I might collapse. Of coarse I did not. So I drearily wandered over to the bar where Peppermint Larry always waited, struggling up onto one of the bar stools. "Larry…" I yawned, "Knuckles wants another drink." I managed, automatically rubbing my eyes.

Larry frowned lightly. "No can do Flapjack."

I was alarmed. "What! But why!?" I exclaimed, not wanting this night to end up like quite a bit of them did…with Knuckles raging about in a frenzy. It hurt me to watch it.

"Because Flapjack. He's way over the limit as it is and he needs to go home and sleep it off. Moreover, you look dead tired and need to get on back to Bubbie too. God knows how long he'll be in here if I continue catering to him." Larry offered a soft smile, patting me gently on the head.

I didn't argue. He was right. It was much later then the time we usually left at and we needed to go. I just hoped convincing Knuckles would be easier then it normally was. "Knuckles…" I murmured as I approached the booth for the umpteenth time. "Cap'n." I said again.

Knuckles looked lazily over at me, head resting in the palms of his wooden hands much like I had done before. "What is it? Where's my drink?" he growled, eyes bloodshot.

I didn't bother taking a seat. It was time to go…I hoped. "He…he wouldn't give any to me." I breathed, shutting my eyes tight and braced for the sure to come explosion.

"What?" he hissed, venom ever present.

"I'm sorry Cap'n." I whispered apologetically, tentatively opening my eyes to come face to face with his displeased expression. "I tried." I added pitifully, rubbing my eyes again as well as yawning.

Knuckles scowl deepened and I swear he was about to go off on me by the way his lips parted slightly, only something made him stop. Perhaps it was my obvious tiredness or maybe it was the way I shrank back in fear. I don't know. But it was definitely something because his eyes instantly softened and his deep frown transformed into a sympathetic half smile. It was the best he could do while intoxicated. "It's not your fault Flap." I was surprised by him. "It's Larry." as he said his name his expression slipped back into that all to familiar dark set face.

It was then, like a spur of the moment type of thing, that I crawled up onto my role models lap and thoughtlessly curled into his warm clothes, smile gracing my lips. I sighed contentedly. "I love you Cap'n…" the words kind of slipped out. I hadn't meant to say it! Well…of coarse I meant it, but I just didn't mean for them to be verbalized, especially not in this situation.

For a while after we were silent and unmoving, only the voices of a few others floating our way. Only five or so minutes after the awkward moment did he finally break free of his stone like state, moving his arm so that his hand rested gently around my tiny waist. Yet he avoided saying my words back to me. It was the ultimate test of loyalty and he knew it. That's why he didn't say it, he wasn't sure of himself. To bad that was his last real chance too. He sighed, growing tired.

I lifted my head from his shirt to look him in the eye, finally giving up on my fruitless charade of pretending to be awake and happy. "Cap'n…" I began, pausing for a long while.

"Hmm…" he breathed uneasily, staring back into my now dull blue eyes. This was also the next to last time he'd do this.

"I'm bored." I half whined as well as half lied, holding tighter onto his shirt. I wasn't bored at all. I only hoped he'd believe me so I wouldn't have to say what I really felt. Tired.

I was afraid he'd laugh or that he might snort and say 'pfft, don't be a baby.' or something worse. Luckily he remained level headed about my words, smiling sweetly down at me. "Me too." he admitted. A pause. "So, wanna go home?" he questioned stupidly.

I nodded slowly, struggling to remain conscious. "Mmm hmm." I thought I sounded like Bubbie.

He chuckled lightly. "I thought so." he said lamely, picking me off of him and setting me back on the ground so he could raise to his feet beside me. "Go on then." he half ordered, nodding toward the door. "I'll catch up to you in a minute."

I was hoping that he might be intoxicated enough so that he would mindlessly lift me atop his shoulders and carry me home. Alas it seemed if I were to get my wish I'd have to ask and there was no way that was gonna happen. So I sighed sadly, battling to lift one foot after the other as I walked toward the exit of the Candy Barrel. I'm sure he would have allowed me to do so all the way home if my legs hadn't suddenly gave way. I collapsed to my knees, more then likely because of the tiredness that afflicted me, weakening my body as well as my mind. "What's wrong with your kid?" was what I heard next. I didn't know who it was. Probably one of Knuckles candy drinking pals. But whoever it was sounded irritated by me. Perhaps he knew that telling Knuckles this would pull his attention from him to me. And he was right.

"Flap!" I heard his panicked cry from the same direction as the other mans voice had came. Only, unlike with the other, Knuckles hurried footsteps could be heard moments after. There was no doubt in my mind that everyone in the room realized, if they hadn't before, that he was my father. He was the man that they all thought I'd never have, even after he appeared in my life. I don't blame them for thinking such thoughts either. He wasn't the man he had been when we'd pulled him from the sea that day. He was different. He'd changed. "What's wrong!?" he cried out again, fear showing in his light brown eyes as he knelt down next to me and pulled me up onto him, cradling me.

"I'm sorry Cap'n…" I breathed, feeling bad for having ruined his conversation and likely his whole evening. "I'm just…tired." I added, ashamed.

His eyes grew wider in the moments that followed, sadness replacing his crazed look of fear. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cause…I like seeing you happy. You're always happy here." I muttered begrudgingly, upset at my inability to create the same feeling for him as this place did. "If that means me being tired, then ok."

This seemed to tear at his heart even more, his frown deepening. "Flap…" he began, pausing to find the right words. "You don't have to pass out to keep me happy. Besides, this place isn't what makes me happy. What makes me happy is spending the time here with you." he sounded nervous as well as looked it. I figured it was because he was expressing an emotion he preferred to keep hidden beneath the surface of his life. And in front of people. Still, it made me smile.

"Really…?" I inquired, eager for an honest answer.

He hesitated momentarily, shifting his gaze from side to side uneasily. "Of coarse." As the words passed his lips a smile took the place of his usual frown. "You're my friend." That was his way of saying, 'You're like my kid and I love you so much it hurts.' I knew that's what it must mean.

My smile widened and my eyes danced with excitement. "Thanks, Cap'n." I mumbled, hugging him tightly.

I couldn't see his reaction and I didn't much care to. "Alright, boy." He said in his gruff tone. "Let's go home." He then lifted me up onto his shoulders so that I could rest, holding onto my legs just in case.

The rest is a blur. I remember being somewhere near dr. barber's when I began to drift. I also remember Knuckles humming a silly little tune that went something like 'twinkle twinkle little star', only changed in ways that made it more deep and meaningful. I smiled then, soft sigh escaping me. I was happy. So very happy…

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**So this is one of those journal like fics. I've never tried this before so if it seems weird or off that's why. I do hope you enjoy though! I'm having fun with it. Review plz!!!! :D**


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